Postmodern Trauma - So far so good?

A month into my thankful and appreciative "third-time lucky" post. I am perhaps half-way into my third new draft. Maybe i'm a little more than halfway, but the story keeps growing in my head and it gets longer and longer so maybe i'm a little less than halfway!

I have more or less put in some big pieces about the story of Millie - the real person, and now I'm working on/in the dream-world. Feeling like i'm getting lost in this world that's in Millie's head.

Something like this happened to me the last time I escaped to Xanadu (my 1 week writing retreat). I emerged from the hibernation feeling alienated from my real world and it took me a few days to get used to going back to my previous routine.

The current version of my story is... much more complicated than the first version. It is rich in symbolism and references. And it requires me to do a lot of research and learn things that i didn't know before. Surely what i'm learning and thinking will affect me fundamentally and chemically. I shouldn't be emerging from this cocoon to become who I used to be? I'm not insinuating that i'm going to be as graceful as a butterfly, but lots of things come out of cocoons. Like...cicadas.

Okay.

Now the challenge is time.

A dear and concerned friend consoled me, and told me to take a break, change my pace, that I shouldn't be made to feel like i need to churn it out like that. Sometimes I'm afraid of burning out too. But I am running out of time. 1 more month until the end of NPL. I've already asked for extension from NAC for my draft.

Even if I finish drafting, i don't know how am I going to finish editing in time.

haha.

My reply to my dear friend was with blind optimism - "can one, i can do this. I'm a product of this churning system so i can churn this out." somemore my book is about churning.

The only thing is, for me, it is difficult to write what I write when I don't have enough sleep - so I can't burn the midnight oil. Tsk.

Sometimes I imagine someone asking me "How do you come up with things like that?"
and I will be honest and reply, "because i'm crazy."
"Why did you want to write a book like this?"
"I can't explain it, my craziness compels me to do crazy things. Writing it all down is the least destructive thing I can do already."

And I haven't started with editing. Editing would be sure to drive me even more crazy - like adding fuel to fire. hahaha!